My boss said to me “If you are able to learn from your mistakes, you must have learned a lot today.”
90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house. The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.
A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
Have you been out to the post Christmas sales looking for bargains, or have you been looking for things you don't need at a price you just can't resist.
If a thing is worth doing, it has already been done.
Did you get that feeling over Christmas that sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
I told my friend I wanted to make a comeback. “How can you make a comeback when you have not been anywhere” she replied.
I told my boss I always need more than one go to get things right. He suggested I take up sky diving.
Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.
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Hope you liked that selection of Today's Jokes and One Liners.
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