Today's Jokes | One Liners

Well folks I thought it about time we had another selection of short gags, so here are Today's Jokes and One Liners.

My boss said to me “If you are able to learn from your mistakes, you must have learned a lot today.”

90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house. The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife.

A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.

Have you been out to the post Christmas sales looking for bargains, or have you been looking for things you don't need at a price you just can't resist.

If a thing is worth doing, it has already been done.

Did you get that feeling over Christmas that sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

I told my friend I wanted to make a comeback. “How can you make a comeback when you have not been anywhere” she replied.

I told my boss I always need more than one go to get things right. He suggested I take up sky diving.

Losing a husband can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.

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Hope you liked that selection of Today's Jokes and One Liners.

Jokes latest

The man who ran over my cat said he'd like to replace it. "I hope you're good at catching mice" I replied.

I visited a lighthouse the other day and was told to sit in the corner.

I went to the doctors because I had insomnia. He told me to lie on the edge of the bed then I'd soon drop off.

Are baked be-ings a Lions favourite food?

The Daddy Lion told his cubs to wait until they saw the Zebra crossing.

What's striped, dangerous and lives in the jungle? A tiger on a pogo stick.

My cat ate a ball of wool. Soon after she had mittens.

I think my cat's been eating ducklings again. She's got that down in the mouth look.
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Short jokes | One Liners

Here are a few of my favourite Short jokes and One Liners. A selection demonstrating my simple inoffensive sense of humour. Hope you enjoy.

You can find them here >> Short jokes and One Liners
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Short Jokes | One Liners

Here is a collection of my favourite short jokes and one liners. These portray my simple style and type of humour. Corny and clean.


Why don't oysters give to charity? Because they're shellfish.

Thieves have broken into our local butchers and stolen half a cow.
The police think it was a beef burglar.

I was told that losing a husband can be hard.
I keep trying to loose mine but he won't go !!

I was always told that hard work never killed anyone,
but why take the risk !!

Marty Pello has teamed up with some German animal doctors. They have formed a new band called "Vet Vet Vet"

When I met my husband I didn't have a penny to my name. Now I've got another name.

What's worse than raining buckets? - Hailing taxis! (ouch)

My friend in Oz asked if we had a nice summer last year. "yes" I replied, "we had a nice picnic that afternoon"

Eat prunes, they certainly give you a good run for your money.

2 ducks on a pond, 1 duck says "quack", the other duck says "Ohhh.. I was going to say that"

Where do you find a one legged dog? - Where you left it.

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